The following is an excerpt from my book, "Stuff in my Attic". Enjoy!
Memories
Philippians 1:3-5
As I live my life, and have had numerous (58 to be exact!) jobs, and met
countless people, there is one thing that keeps coming back to me. Memories.
The Disney Pixar film "Inside Out" has a great ideology on memories.
Yes, memories are more valuable to me than material
possessions. Material possessions can
quickly fade, or break, or wear out.
Memories however can last a life time!
Even if your memory is poor, (which mine is sometimes) certain memories
can live on through those you interact with.
I have memories of my grandfather that I was able share with my grandmother,
and though she had forgotten some of them, my re-telling of these stories are
of entertaining and lasting value. Memories are a living thing, they will go on
even after you are gone, as displayed by my grandfather.
I seem to recall a special memory that my aunt had about my
grandfather and swearing.
Now, allow me to explain. I grew up in a traditional
mid-western home instilled with solid Christian values. This was no doubt in part due to these same
values being instilled on my parents from when they were younger.
My grandparents rarely missed church, and were active on
some church committees, and my grandpa was an usher at times, in short they
were/are morally upright citizens. I had
never heard my grandfather use inappropriate language.
One particular day, my aunt and I were discussing the strong language and societal beliefs to use strong language occasionally, and found it does not have any real
value. She had instituted a “swear
jar”. Now, I don’t know what happened
with the “swear jar” nor is that the memory in question.
As we were conversing, I relayed the fact that grandpa never
swears, and probably never has. My aunt
was quick to correct me, and relayed the following story.
“One day when grandpa was up in the ceiling in the kitchen
working on something, I think it was a fixture, he dropped one of the tools
that he was working with, and lost it in the insulation. A semi-loud, ‘Goddammit!’ was heard, and
grandma was quick to scold grandpa.
(Which we rarely heard grandma ever getting after grandpa;
usually it was the other way around.)
She said, ‘Norman! You know what
I think about that kind of language in my house!’ To this day, I have not heard grandpa swear
since.”
Well, that particular memory wasn’t to focus on grandpa
swearing, or grandma even standing up to him.
It was to point out that grandpa was “normal” and had moments of
weakness just like we all do. But, more
importantly, it allowed me years later, to relate this memory to grandma, who
after grandpa’s death had a good laugh about it. So the memory had lasting value, and
entertaining value.
Someday, I will use that memory
to teach my kids a lesson on swearing, and how it is not really necessary, and how grandpa
gave up swearing for grandma’s sake.
So as I work with people, and collaborate with people, I
have these wonderful memories.
I would venture to say there is only one thing wrong with
memories, and that is creating bad ones.
What impact can a bad memory have on someone? Just as good memories can last years, bad
ones can last years, or longer.
Bad memories have an ability to leave a hole in your heart, and a tiny place of sorrow or regret that you can somehow be thankful for that you survived them.
Many years ago, before I met my (now ex-wife), I was engaged
to a different person. We were together
for a little over 4 years. Which seems
like (when you’re in your 20’s) is a long time.
We had colors, and music and date all picked out for the wedding, and
were as excited as any young betrothed are.
Then something happened. 3 days
after our anniversary of our first date on Valentine’s Day 4 years prior, she
told me she didn’t “feel” like she loved me anymore. I now realize that true love has little with
how you “feel”. True love means you love
someone even when you don’t “feel” like it.
(More on this particular topic in the section on Love, and Romance.)
The point is this, after our breakup, I felt
devastated. Everywhere I went, I was
reminded of someplace we went, something we did, a place we ate…etc. So, my loving sister and her husband had just
moved into a new house with their 9 month old baby. They offered for me to move in with them “down
in the Chicago area.” Now, being from
the Ann Arbor area in Michigan, I was at first hesitant about moving so far away
from my parents, and few friends. But,
on the other hand, I was broken and miserable.
I packed my stuff, and moved 6 hours away to start over. Why?
Bad memories.
Over a decade later, I lived in the Ann Arbor area again,
and it is where I met my ex-wife, with whom I have a wonderful son. We lived in
a house on 350 acres in the country. I
have good memories there, but more often than not (due to being in a very
abusive relationship) I have many worse memories from that decade in my life. Occasionally however, I have one pop up out
of the blue when driving by certain places, and I feel a little pebble of
regret in the pit of my stomach. The
poison bad memories can leave behind is long lasting. I praise God that He is my Rock and my
comforter. He is my deliverer, and got me through 10 years of an abusive marriage, and brought someone into my life who had the same type of story and loves me for me.
Now, I live in Ohio, married to my wonderful wife, and have
5 step-kids. Together we share an intense love of God and His Word, and are continually challenging each other to grow.
We make new memories
together every day. I am so thankful for
the new good memories I have; they allow me to crowd out the bad ones.
My wife and I went to our first MLB game a couple weeks ago to see the Detroit Tigers play the Chicago White Sox. Courtesy of a fellow writer friend of mine. It was amazing. The memories we created there will last the rest of our lives. I even got a souvenir cup with my favorite player. Now, the cup doesn't create the memory does it? It facilitates the memory. Just as pictures do. I am sure there will be many more memories of this nature created with my wife.
What kind of memories are you helping to create?
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