Listening

The other day I wrote that James reminds us to listen, and be slow to speak.  Today I would like to focus on the listening part with an excerpt from my book.

Listening.  How many times have I told my son, “You’re not listening.”?  Does listening take practice?  Is it something we learn?  Is not listening a learned trait?  How often do we “not listen” because we are disinterested, or bored.  How often do we pretend to listen?  I am guilty.

Most men have “selective hearing”.  I however think this would be a rather sexist thing to say, no matter how true it is.  I think that it is a human trait that we develop over time.  To “tune out” things we don’t want to hear.

Though I have a small hearing problem, I try not to let my hearing problem become a heart problem.  What I mean is, though I may be hard of hearing sometimes, I cannot allow that to be a metric for my response. 

Hearing is not the same as listening.  This nearly goes without saying. However stop and think about it for a minute.

How many sounds do you hear throughout the workday?  Short answer is lots.  If you think about how many sounds you actually hear, and tune out automatically, it would be in the thousands.  Our brain could still handle all of these sounds without going into meltdown.

Take a moment, just a moment sometime, and actually listen to all of those random sounds.  Concentrate on what is actually going on with each sound.  An office environment, or a hospital are ideal locations for this little experiment.  The ambient noise in both places is very active.  As a side note; my friend Mike and I agree the best sleep we get is in the hospital, because even with all the noise, it is still quieter than home or work!

Now, once you have processed the sounds, analyzed and categorized them.  Think about all you had been missing when you just heard the sounds, but did not listen to them.  We take most of these sounds for granted, but stop and think about them.  Think about the motivation behind the sound, think about the reason the sound is there.  Be thankful the person in the cube next to you at work is constantly getting phone calls.  This may mean that 1.) They are busy, and it helps pay your check.  2.) They have a hectic personal life, be glad yours isn’t like that.  Or the third option, if you are that busy, be glad that you are not out of work.

So, listening is important.  We have already looked at all that can be missed by simply not listening, what happens when we actually take time to go beyond hearing, and start to listen?  I think this story about my grandpa can really help us with that question.

My grandfather was a very loving and quiet man.  He was the epitome of “a man of few words”.   (This is really saying something given the noisy nature of our family.)  I remember that we were all gathered around the table for Christmas Dinner one particular year conversing on various things that seem to inevitably pop up when a family gets together.  Politics, gas prices…etc…  I was enjoying the moment of the family carrying on a few separate conversations about these or similar topics.  Just to the right of my Grandpa who always sat at the head of the table.  And I looked around the table just enjoying being present at this event.  As I looked at my Grandfather, I realized he was doing the same thing, and listening.  (Guilty!  I wasn’t listening in on the conversations.)  While my grandpa was listening, he was looking on in love at his family.  And then, the unthinkable happened.  He spoke!  He was able to quiet our clan down with 6 simple words.  He succeeded, with these 6 words in calming 24 people to a silent, quiet moment.  Others had tried and failed to quiet our mob with banging of pots, and whistles, and even shouting…but in his quiet dignity, grandpa was able to silence us all with his wisdom, and command of respect.  The words he used were few, but powerful.  “Do you know what I think?”  The stillness was amazing.  Here we were complaining about gas prices just a moment before, and now we were all looking at him with respect and admiration.  “I think we should be thankful we have cars to put gas in.”  My grandpa was never much of a “Pollyanna philosopher.”  And rarely, did he stoop to the obvious.  I don’t remember him ever being a “glass half full” type.  But, he had a point.  Stop arguing about politics and gas, and such, and be thankful for what you have.  It was cliché but in that moment, it was quite profound.

We ended up losing grandpa to a tragic accident a little less than a year later.  His words stuck with me.  Why?  Because he was a man of few words, what he did say really had more meaning than if he was constantly talking.

There is a famous quote from Larry King.  “I never learned anything while I was talking.”

Think about it.  How much more can we accomplish in our spiritual, professional and personal lives when we listen?  There are plenty of books on the art of listening.  And, I won’t go into too much detail here.  I could write a list of listening advice, but I don’t want to be one of “those authors” who gives you too much information that you already know, and just don’t tend to put it to use, so when you read it, you think, “Gee, he’s right, I do need to do ‘x’!” 

So, I’ll just say do it.  Listen.  Listen to those around you.  (No, don’t eavesdrop)  Listen to all the little noises in life.  Listening can be more than a conversational tool.  Listen to the rhythm of life.  Listen to the birds singing in the morning.  Take a moment to listen.  Listen to God.   Listen to what God is telling you.  Listen to what He wants for you.  Just be still and know.  Be still and listen.  

In a world where we try to “tune out” the noises, I think of grandpa’s words, and how to listen. 

As Americans, we tend to listen to music while working, or doing chores, exercising, etc…but have you ever taken a moment to stop hearing the music and actually listen to what the artist is conveying in their message? 

How much harder would my life be without the ability to listen?  Even if you are hard of hearing, even if you have no hearing, you can listen.  Listening is deeper than hearing. 

True listening is connecting.  Connect with God, connect with your loved ones, connect with a stranger.  Truly listen.  You may find a need there that is begging for your attention.  You may find one of your needs being met just by listening.

“Tune in” It is amazing what you can “hear”, when you connect, and there is only a stillness in your mind.